How To Be A Lady
by Opal Theory
Summary: Hinata has been a tomboy for too long... Well, that's what her father thinks. When Hiashi calls for the help of a beauty expert, what happens when he makes a mistake and end up calling the help of exstripper, Mitarashi Anko? SasuHina. ON HIATUS
1. The Chronicles of Hinata: The Beginning

Summary: AU. Hyuga Hinata has been a tomboy for too long… well, that's what her father thinks. So, he sends a beauty and grace specialist to change Hinata into the ultimate graceful, lady-like daughter he dreamt of all his life while he ventures off to a cruise in Bahamas. But what if there was a mix up and the beauty and grace specialist is actually an ex-stripper/dancer and is looking forward to changing Hinata into the ultimate naughty/bad-girl? (Promising only SasuHina)

* * *

-Hiashi's POV-

I walked down the stairs, cursing every time I tripped on my robe. I grumbled as I scratched my usually long, straightened hair but now curly and sticking out in all the wrong places. At times like these, I wished I had just kept my hair short.

Oh yeah. I was never a morning person.

I took a quick turn to the left and immediately entered the living room, to find the sight I have been seeing for almost everyday of my life. It was none other than my daughter, her very long hair tucked in an old baseball cap and wearing a really, really baggy shirt with stains on them and an old hippie-styled jeans. She was sprawled on the couch, feet up, I might add and playing video games. I growled loud enough for her to indicate that I was there. She slowly looked up from the TV and stared at me, with that cheesy grin of hers plastered in her face.

"G'Morning pops!" She exclaimed cheerfully, holding a peace sign above her head.

-End of POV-

Hinata could see her father going red in frustration and she quickly turned her head back to the TV screen, ignoring the deadly aura emitting from her father.

'_Oh, no. I'd better brace myself for the music._' She thought to herself.

"HINATA! JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!" He roared, making her cousin Neji and her little sister, Hanabi to rush into the living room.

"Nothing. Just playing my PS2" She said, giggling when she shot a zombie with a revolver.

"Hinata! Act like a lady and put down the console this instant!" Hiashi screamed on top of his lungs. He looked like he was going to explode any minute.

Hinata put a finger to her chin for a short pause.

"Nah. I don't want to." She said and went back to her game.

'_Not this again._' Neji rolled his eyes and went out of the front door, carrying a very heavy bag. '_I don't want to stick around for this.' _

"I'll be going to school now. Hinata, I'll see you at school." Neji said and disappeared behind the front door.

"Bye Neji-niisan!" Hinata and Hanabi called out. "Hey, neechan?" Hanabi called out to her sister. '_I'd better end this feud quick before father explodes'_ Hanabi thought to herself.

"Hn?" Hinata replied. "Aren't you supposed to be going to school?" Hanabi asked again.

A long pause fell among them.

"Shimatta, I am!" Hinata said, switching off the console and disappearing behind the front door but not before saying. "Ja-ne! Otousan, imouto!"

Hanabi smiled at her accomplishment for ending the family feud and pranced back to her room, leaving a very, very frustrated Hiashi behind in the living room, staring at the spot where his eldest daughter used to be.

'_What can I DO!!!? I can't show her to everybody as the heir to the Hyuga household! She's a complete and utter disgrace! I have to think of something… quick, before I have to leave for my luxury cruise to the Bahamas tomorrow!_' he fumed to himself, pacing back and forth around the living room.

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above his head.

"I know!!!" he said and reached for the phone book on the table and flipped through the pages. There, he spotted 'Beauty and Grace Specialist, Mr. /Ms. Orochimaru. 555-2525'.

"This is it!!!" He said out loud and jumped up and down like a schoolgirl. However, when his fingers dialed through the telephone, he fumbled and dialed 555-2526 instead. Hiashi, being overjoyed and excited like a druggie high on marijuana, didn't notice anything amiss and waited for the person to pick up.

"_Hello?" _

"Hello, this is Hyuga Hiashi, head of the Hyuga Household."

"_So?"_ Hiashi's eyebrow twitched. '_How rude for a beauty and grace specialist.'_

"Anyway, I'll give you 1 million."

"_I don't do that anymore." _

"Huh?"

"_What are you talking about?" _

"I need you to change my daughter into the lady she's supposed to be."

"_O-Kay, that's new." _

"I'm paying you to change her look, teach her the skills that you think she's supposed to learn, etc."

"_O-kay."_ Hiashi's eyebrow twitched again at the sarcasm in her voice.

"I'm not kidding."

"_Whatever. When will I get the pay?" _

"I'll have my daughter to give it to you on the first day of her training, when I'll be in the Bahamas."

"_Stuck up bastard_." The voice muttered.

"What did you say?"

"_When is the first da_y?"

"Tomorrow."

"_Tomorrow?"_

"Yes, tomorrow. Are you deaf?" Hiashi smirked.

"_Sure. Tell me the address." _

"Do you know the Hyuga Mansion?"

"_Yeah." _

"That IS the house. Haven't you've been listening that I'm the head of the Hyuga household."

The person yawned.

"_Whatever. Bye."_ The person said and hung up. Hiashi growled in frustration at the rudeness of the person. _'I hope she's not going to be the one training my_ _daughter._' He shuddered. _'The last thing I want is an undisciplined daughter for an heir._' He thought to himself again.

Well, let's just say that Hinata is in for a BIG surprise… and Hiashi too, when he gets back from his 'business trip', that is.

* * *

Evie: Well, that's it for this chapter. Once again, I NEED REVIEWS PEOPLE!!!! Only

reviews can keep me alive in this world, boo-hoo!

Evelyn: -rolls eyes- Whatever. Such a drama queen.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form


	2. Of Neji and Billy

A/N: Hello Earthlings all over the world! Finally, I have continued my job as a fanfic author after such a long period of doing absolutely nothing! I'm very happy with myself for carrying on this particular tale about a tomboy's quest to become a 'perfect lady'. I'm sorry if this chapter is too weird or boring! I will do my best.

Disclaimer: Oh yeah, I don't own Naruto…._yet. _

* * *

Hinata dashed out the front door of her house with a black converse sling bag slung over her shoulder. Immediately, she stopped dead on her tracks. Suddenly, she felt as if the clouds got darker. Her usual carefree smile turned into a small pout.

She was getting one of those _feelings_ again. The type of feeling that indicated that something sinister was going to happen and that she was going to be the victim.

She shuddered.

The last time she had those kind of feelings, she went home by the end of the day and found out that her weirdo father had painted the walls of her room bright pink. Light, pastel pink, Hinata Hyuga can handle, but freaking BRIGHT PINK?! It just reminded her of one of her classmates in school. She shuddered once more.

"I'll just have to be on the look out for ice cream trucks or pianos suddenly falling from the sky, then." She muttered and shrugged, wondering what will happen to her today.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she glanced at her wristwatch and realized that she was 30 minutes from being late and cursed loudly. "That stupid of a cousin Neji didn't even call me to school! He just left! With his freaking car! I'm going to dump all of his beauty products into the Pacific Ocean after school!" She cried out loud to no one in particular.

But then she realized an obvious fact.

The Pacific Ocean would definitely not be big enough to hold all of Neji's beauty products. Realizing that fact, Hinata hung her head low, depressed.

Determined not to arrive at school late, she dashed into the garage and pulled out a crimson red bicycle. It was her personal bicycle that she has been taking care of, as if it was her own child, since she was 13. Now, 3 years had past and it was still as good as new.

It was not just any bicycle. It was _her_ bicycle. And she affectionately calls it by the name of…Billy.

Billy Bob Brandon Hyuga, to be exact.

Tilting her dark blue baseball cap into a more comfortable position, she then caressed the leather seat of the bicycle and hopped on. "YOSH!!!" She quoted one of her cousin's best friends' famous saying, with a determined glint in her eyes. "We can make it, Billy! Just you and me!" She shouted happily, patting the handles of the bike.

A long pause ensued as Hinata waited for Billy's response.

Apparently, Billy was not much of a talker.

After a long period filled with the sound of crickets, Hinata breathed in deeply and gave a battle scream. One that would rival Xena, the warrior princess. With that, Hinata started cycling towards the school with speed that would put Lance Armstrong to shame.

'Just you watch, Neji-niisan! You will pay for _almost_ making me late!' She thought to herself.

As usual, it was always fun to put the blame on the makeup-wearing-destiny boy. She then laughed maniacally, weaving in and out of traffic and overtaking cars like a drunken madman. Scratch that, _a drunk, psychotic madman high on Red Bull_, if that was even possible.

"MUAHAHAHA!" She went, as innocent onlookers swore they saw a blur of crimson red, black and dark blue went pass them.

"JUST YOU WAIIIT!!! NEJI_-NEECHAN_!!!" The civilians then heard, feeling the earth slightly shake. They wondered who was Neji-neechan and if she was a lovely woman.

**

* * *

  
**

Neji got out of his black Range Rover after parking the vehicle in Konoha High School's parking lot. He was humming the cheerful tune of Jackson Five's ABC, knowing for a fact that today was going to be a happy day.

Midway towards the school's entrance however, Neji Hyuga suddenly let out a sneeze. A rather loud one in fact, causing some students within a five mile radius to check if some sort of bomb had exploded. Neji turned red in embarrassment for a second but then returned to his stoic manner and glared at them. The other students quickly dismissed it and carried on with their merry lives. 'Someone must be talking about me.' He thought while smirking. It was obvious that he was rather proud of the fact.

Just as he was going to continue humming a tune once more, he sneezed loudly again. Expecting everyone around him to turn and look, he prepared his deathly glare to anyone who dared looking at him. But when he looked up, he was surprised that no one cared.

"It's just Neji sneezing again." The students around him said in unison and entered the school.

The said Neji was left on the steps to the school entrance doors, dumbfounded. Just then, he heard someone calling him from afar. He felt the ground shook for awhile too.

Shaking his head and scoffing in disbelief, he regarded it as only a fragment of his imagination. The earth shaking, he meant. About the faraway call, he was sure it was meant for somebody else.

"From what I know, I'm not a Neechan." He said nonchalantly as he entered the school. Then, his hands flew up to his face and his eyes widened in shock.

"I seriously need to moisturize more often." He concluded.

**

* * *

  
**

_Click!_

Hinata heard the satisfying click of the lock after locking Billy at a bicycle stand nearby the entrance doors of Konoha High. She sighed happily and flashed another big, cheesy smile to herself. "I'll be back, Billy. No flirting, kay?" She whispered to_ it_ while glancing at the other flashy dark blue bike next to Billy, also locked on the bicycle stand.

She then laughed to herself and looked at her wristwatch. There was still 10 minutes left and she was glad that she made it in time. On her way up the ivory white steps leading to the entrance doors of her high school, she stopped and tilted her head up to look at the large, bold letterings carved above the doors.

'Konoha High School.' She mentally read and smiled to herself.

"Wow. A whole new school year. I made it, mom. A whole new year without you." Hinata said sadly, her smile still not fading from her face. She took out the delicate, silver necklace that was hiding inside her baggy dark brown t-shirt and clenched the small, silver leaf shaped pendant, closing her eyes and allowing a simple flashback run through her mind.

* * *

_Flashback_

_A younger, eleven year old Hinata was running towards her mother, who was in the kitchen at the time. Hinata's midnight blue hair was disheveled and her pearl eyes were flowing with tears when she entered the kitchen. Instantly, her mother gasped and kneeled down to wipe her daughters' tears away. "What's wrong, Hina-chan?" Her mother said in her soft, delicate voice. The concern laced in her voice made Hinata cry even more. _

"_T-two b-boys pushed m-m-me down the swing –sob- and s-said I was u-ugly." Hinata cried. Her mother only sighed and gave her a small smile. "Shh…" She calmed Hinata down. Then, almost magically, Hinata stopped crying. _

"_Remember…" her mother started. "Hina-chan, you'll always be pretty to me…" She smiled warmly. Hinata could feel her jaw drop in awe of her mother's beautiful smiling face. _

"_But!" Her mother tapped her lightly on her nose. The notion caused Hinata to blink once or twice. _

"_Only if you keep on smiling the biggest smile you can." She said and flashed Hinata a very big, cheesy smile. Hinata just stared at her mother, wide eyed. Hinata was at lost for words. But right then, she smelled something burning._

"_Mommy….you're food's burning." Hinata pointed towards the stove. Her mother blinked a couple of times, her smile wiped away from her face and she turned back and yelped. _

"_Shimatta! My potatoes!" Her mother cried in despair as she tried to salvage what was left of the said potatoes. _

_Behind her mother's back, Hinata couldn't help but giggle. Then, she started to smile the biggest smile she could muster and as cheesy as her mother's smile. "So whenever I'm sad, I'll just smile the best I can. Then I'll remember you, mommy." Hinata concluded. But her mother couldn't hear her daughter, what with her own grumbling about the now ruined potato dish. _

_And an exact year after that, her mother had died._

_

* * *

  
_

Hinata blinked back the tears and sighed. Then she smiled her usual smile. Now was not the time to be moping in depression. It was a new year and she wanted a new start! Once again, she glanced at her wristwatch and gasped. '5 minutes to get to the school auditorium!' She thought alarmingly.

She let go of her pendant and ran towards the entrance door. Kicking it forcefully with her foot, the doors flew open and she took the chance to dash towards the doors to the school auditorium across the hall. When she reached the doors, she stopped for awhile to calm her breathing. All the running was really tiring her now. The minute she started to calm down and relax, she straightened up and tilted her chin up with some sense of pride or some sort.

'Made it.' She smiled proudly.

Just as she was about to reach for the doorknob, the doors to the school auditorium flew open and someone had just dashed out of the opening, colliding right into….poor little Hinata.

She stared at the tall and lean figure that had just knocked all the air out of her. Hinata was still lying on the floor, wide eyed. The figure just smiled a large, cheesy smile.

Instantly, she felt her cheeks get hot. She knew she was blushing.

'Holy crap!' She thought. "I-I-I…" She struggled to offer an apology.

'That smile!' She thought again, still lost for words while staring at the figure that knocked her down. He was staring at her with a confused look right now, but the smile was still plastered on his face.

'Just…like….mom's.' Hinata thought as she mentally remembered the image of her mother.

"Oh~ crap" She said out loud.

**-END-**

**

* * *

  
**

A/N: DUN! DUN! DUN! I wonder what will happen next…. He..he…Who is the mystery guy? Well, you will have to find out on the next chapter of….

How to be A Lady!!! Or Hot Balls! (HtbAL)  I do not know where that came from. I just felt the need to type it out.


	3. Talking Pillows and Alien Zombie Scums

A/N: Here's the third chapter of HtBAL! Or a.k.a. Hot Balls/How to be a Lady! =D I'm very thankful for all the reviews I got! Very, very happy that I might consider jumping off a bridge screaming 'THANK GOD FOR REVIEWS!!!'. Hahahaha. Not Quite.

So without further adieu, let the show begin!

* * *

There were a lot of things that Hinata Hyuga didn't expect when she woke up on the first day of school that day. First, it was Neji-_neechan_ leaving her behind before she could even remember that it was in fact, the first day of school. Second, she didn't expect to forget saving her game after her little sister Hanabi reminded her that it was in fact, _the first day of school_.

'_I got to level 25 of 'Zombie Killers from India', damn it!' _She thought.

And lastly, she didn't expect to be knocked down on her way to the official before-the-start-of-a-new-school-year assembly by none other than, the heartthrob/star basketball player she had known since her elementary school days. And there she sat, flat on her butt and red from embarrassment as the figure that knocked her down stared at her like a person staring at an injured hippo._ 'Curse my fate.' _The said 'hippo' thought. The blonde hair, slightly tanned skin and whisker-like marks on his face all confirmed her suspicions.

It was definitely him. "Oh~ crap" She said.

Naruto Uzumaki called out to her with his loud and slightly gruff voice. "Hey! I know you! Hitana Hyuga, right? You're Neji's cousin!" He said, apparently not noticing what the girl in front of her said. Hinata only blinked before nodding her head slowly. Never mind that he called her by another name, she could almost see imaginary flowers blooming out from Naruto's head.

_'His beautiful, beautiful head. That's now growing lilies and orchids!'_ She thought unconsciously.

Naruto flashed his trademark smile again and offered his hand to help Hinata or to him, Hitana, up. Hinata hesitantly grabbed his hand and stood up from the floor. She then let go of his hand immediately, causing Naruto to raise his eyebrows at the notion. _'His hand is so warm and strong.'_ She thought, biting her lower lip. Once again, she could feel her face burning up. Unconsciously, she felt her eyes examining his lean, but muscular figure. He was wearing a simple black V-neck shirt and tattered jeans.

_'God, why is it suddenly so hot in here?'_ Hinata thought as she tilted her cap to the side again.

'_Oh, crap. I can hear the chorus of 'Smooth Operator'.'_ Hinata thought as she forcefully tried to block out the song from her head but to no avail.

"Umm.." She heard the blonde say. Her eyes immediately shot up to his face, where it should have been looking at, instead of his figure. Before she could even utter a single sentence about her name being Hinata instead of Hitana, Naruto immediately run past her like the athlete he was, shouting, "I HAVE TO PEE! CATCH YOU LATER HITANA!" He screamed. And then he suddenly disappeared from her sight.

"Eh?" She found herself grimacing as she looked at the spot where the handsome blonde used to be standing. She shook her head like a wet puppy and muttered, "Get a hold of yourself, Hitana….I mean Hinata." She sighed for no reason and entered the auditorium, slightly getting the feeling that she was having a fever.

* * *

The auditorium was large, to say the least. And she could see that all the students of Konoha High were starting to form lines like the ants they were. Then, she detected the sight of a guy with long, brown hair in a white shirt with black slacks. And she smiled predatorily, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Neji-Neechan~" She said evilly. '_I will get my revenge._' She mentally said, lost in her thoughts of 1001 ways to torture Neji Hyuga as she made her way down the steps towards the place where the students were all gathering. Suddenly, she felt her foot kick a rather hard pillow. Not bothering to look down, she kicked it numerous times, wondering who would leave their pillow on the stairs of the school auditorium.

"Get your fucking foot out of my fucking ass." The talking pillow said.

She merely glanced at the talking pillow scoffed. "Damn my imagination." She heard herself say out loud, merely regarding the pillow as a fragment of her overactive imagination. That is, until she realized something.

_'Wait, talking pillows don't have hair.'_ She thought, raising her finger to her chin. She looked at the pillow again and grimaced. A boy about her age with spiky, raven black hair wearing a dark blue hoodie and black baggy pants was sitting on the stairs, his black obsidian eyes glaring at her. His left eyebrow was twitching in anger._ 'Geez, what's his problem?'_ Hinata thought, apparently forgetting that she had kicked him earlier. Hinata didn't recognize him. Was he new? Before she could ask him that, though, she got distracted with the low, predatory growl coming from him.

"Why the _hell_ did you kick me?" He said through gritted teeth. The killing intent beaming from him didn't deter her, though. After all, Hinata did live with Hiashi.

"Uh…." Hinata found herself answering. Yup, it was him. He was the talking pillow. The said talking pillow now looked at her with both his eyebrows raised as his glare softened a little. He was now looking at her with a sense of amusement. Hinata then found his eyes looking at her figure up and down. He then scoffed rather rudely, his eyes leaving her and he now stared intensely at the group of students instead, as if nothing happened.

"Then, why the _hell_ are you sitting in the middle of the stairs, if not to get your ass kicked?!" She retaliated in a mock angry voice, before running down the stairs, away from the angry-pillow-boy with the speed of a cheetah running towards its' prey. She could feel the boy glaring at her from behind as she sped away from him.

When she finally reached where the other students were gathering at, she felt two pairs of hands grab her by both of her arms. Two scantily clad figures were looking intently at her, both still not letting go of her arms. Hinata merely smiled her usual smile at them. They were, in fact, her best friends.

The first one with bright pink layered short hair dressed in a low-cut white spaghetti-strapped shirt and a short denim skirt with black boots, squinted her eyes suspiciously at Hinata. While the other one with long, blonde hair tied up into a high ponytail, clad in a sleeveless turtle-neck dress that was just _too short_ for comfort and also donning dark purple pumps, was also looking at her with suspicious eyes.

"Wow, Sakura, Ino! You guys are especially happy to see me today!" Hinata said, still smiling. The two couldn't resist the urge to smile at their easy-going best friend. But the suspicious glint in their eyes still hasn't gone away and Hinata was starting to wonder what she did wrong.

"What?" Hinata pouted, bewildered.

"_What_, what?" The blonde-haired Ino said, now smiling mischievously.

"You know _what_, what." It was Sakura's turn to smile like she had a hidden agenda.

"What, what, _what_?" Hinata was starting to get frustrated with all the mention of the word 'what'. Her two best friends rolled their eyes and dismissed their best friend's denseness. Ino and Sakura finally let go of Hinata's arms and they were now standing with their hands on their hips.

"You know, I don't think that she even knows that she just interacted with _him_." Ino said to Sakura, pressing on the word 'him'.

"Yeah, most girls would drop dead like flies when they hear _his_ voice." Sakura replied, pressing on the word 'his'.

"You know, he's _mine_." They said in unison. Then, Hinata swore she could see World War Three happening right before her eyes. She raised her eyebrows as she became audience to her two best friends' 'He's mine' war.

_'Who's** he**, anyways?'_ Hinata thought, frustrated. Suddenly, she felt the need to shiver. She turned back slowly, still aware that her best friends were still screaming 'He's mine' over and over again. And there he was, still sitting on the stairs, hunched with his elbows on his knees.

And he was glaring intently, directly at her.

Not knowing what the hell to do, Hinata just flashed one of her usual smile and waved at him like an idiot. Finally realizing thoroughly what she did, she immediately turned back towards her best friends, relieved to see that they were still fighting each other and that they didn't notice her waving to angry-pillow-boy.

She sighed for no reason once again as she let her mind wander, and her imagination finally took over her entire mind.

* * *

_Hinata's daydream…._

_Somewhere in the year of 2320,_

"Quick, Hitana! We need to kill the ultimate zombie and finally free the world from zombies!" A Naruto armed with a rifle said to Hinata in an Indian accent. Hinata nodded enthusiastically. The fire in their eyes was inextinguishable. They wanted nothing more to save their planet Earth from the clutches of the ultimate zombie/alien mutant. Hinata could sense the passion and love in Naruto's eyes. "Yes, lover!" Hinata immediately blurted out, also in an Indian accent as she clutched her revolver tightly. 'Screw the fact that he messed up my name!' She thought. They leaned in for a kiss but an explosion suddenly caught their attention.

A zombie with no arms came into their plain view and the lovers quickly separated from each other. And without warning the zombie opened his mouth, flames bursting out from its' mouth. Hinata could see that the flames would reach her so she braced herself for the burn. Then, heroically, Naruto screamed out her false name. "HITANAAAA!!!"

Hinata could see everything move in slow motion. Naruto, still screaming her false name as if he couldn't run out of breath from screaming someone's name _that _long, jumped in front of Hinata and took the hit instead. Naruto fell to the floor but immediately regained energy and stood up. Thankfully, the flame had only caught fire on Naruto's shirt. The shirt was still blazing in flames so Naruto ripped the shirt open with his bare hands, to reveal a very, very, fine body. Hinata widened her eyes.

"YES, YES, _YES_!!!" Hinata screamed, causing Naruto to look at her quizzically. Hinata quickly tore her eyes from Naruto and mock glared at the pyro-zombie.

"I mean, DIE YOU MUTANT SCUM!!!!" Hinata shot the zombie in the head, causing it to explode into a million pieces. After killing the zombie, Hinata looked at Naruto and he met her eyes in return.

"You saved me, _Naruto_…" Hinata said breathlessly.

"You killed the zombie, _Hitana_…" Naruto looked at her seriously. And they leaned towards each other once more when a loud evil laughter was heard across the dark dungeon they were in.

"WHAT NOW?!!" Naruto and Hinata screamed in unison, staring at the figure in front of them that was laughing maniacally. Then they gasped.

Standing in front of them, was none other than the ultimate zombie/alien mutant that was behind all of the chaos that befell the planet Earth. "It is….Neji!" Naruto blurted out in anger, and also in a thick Indian accent.

True to form, it was a zombie-fied Neji with one of his arms broken off and his face clearly marred with gruesome gashes with two green antennas sticking out of his head. They gasped again.

"NEJI! You didn't moisturize!" Naruto and Hinata screamed in horror. The said Neji just laughed maniacally.

"IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU HINATA!!!!" Neji screamed in a surprisingly scary voice. Naruto gasped for the millionth time, is hands flying up to his mouth in disbelief. His rifle fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"YOU'RE NAME'S NOT HITANA?!" Naruto screamed, shaking in disbelief. Hinata only grimaced.

"IF YOU HADN'T THROWN ALL MY BEAUTY PRODUCTS INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN, MY FACE WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HIVES AND I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INFECTED WHEN AN ALIEN MUTANT SUDDENLY TOUCHED MY SCARRED FACE!!!! IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I'M TAKING IT OUT ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET!" Neji screamed, sending shivers down Hinata's spine.

"YOU'RE NAME'S NOT HITANA?!" Naruto screamed again, tears falling down from his eyes. Hinata's eyebrow twitched. "Can we stop screaming now?" She said, frustrated._ 'This isn't how I planned it.' _She thought, sighing.

Naruto, believing that he was too miserable to live because he thought Hinata was Hitana, took the rifle off of the ground and aimed it at his own head.

"I'm sorry, Hanita…" He muttered, before pulling the trigger and falling to the ground, thus dying gracefully.

"NOOOOO!!!!!" Hinata wailed as she fell to the ground at her lover's side.

"But he still got my name wrong!!" Hinata said, tears falling from her eyes as she looked at her lover's face. Blood was trailing down at the side of his head.

"NOW…." She heard Neji's voice call out to her. She looked up at Neji in fear as the zombie/alien mutant walked towards her. "FOR MY REVENGE!"

Hinata/Hitana/Hanita was shaking in fear. Neji was still laughing maniacally as she screamed, hugging Naruto's body closely.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hinata screamed out loud, her hands covering her face as she knelt down to the floor.

Then, she felt two fingers poking at both of her shoulders. Immediately, she snapped out of her horrible daydream. She felt cold sweat trickling down her forehead. She saw her two best friends staring wide-eyed at her. All the students in the auditorium turned their heads to look at the now completely red Hinata. She swore she heard thousands of neck cracks as the other students turned to look at her.

"U-Uhh….." She stammered as she looked around her. Hinata detected the face of her grimacing cousin/alien-mutant-zombie, Neji among all the other faces. Then, her eyes automatically widened when she saw the face of her supposed-to-be-deceased-lover, Naruto Uzumaki looking at her, also grimacing. God, she can almost hear him thinking, 'Hitana?'

Her thoughts were cut short when she heard both of her best friends gasp.

"Umm….Is that…" She heard Sakura saying. Hinata immediately looked at Sakura from her kneeling position on the floor, surprised to find her face pale and gaping as her eyes looked behind Hinata. Hinata then turned to Ino, to find that her face was also showing the same expression, her eyes also looking behind Hinata.

"Y-Yes…that is…." Ino stuttered.

Hinata furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and turned back. Suddenly, she found herself gaping.

"It's………….Sasuke Uchiha _laughing_." Both of her friends said in unison.

Indeed, Hinata saw angry-pillow-boy laughing to his hearts content, with one hand clutching his stomach and one hand wiping the tears coming out of his eyes as he laughed like a happy five year-old boy.

A long pause ensued in the auditorium. The only sound that could be heard was laughter coming from the boy sitting on the middle of the stairs.

"Wait…._Who?"_ Hinata asked out loud.

* * *

A/N: Well that's it for chapter 3 of HtBAL (How to be a lady!) I'm sorry if it's slow or anything. I'm just trying to get the plot together and not rush things. Until then! =D


End file.
